It's unfair to project my loss when I know he had family and friends who are suffering more than I ever could. The fact that his death is suspected a suicide makes this all the harder. I never want to be in a position to understand the depths of depression that could push a person to make a decision like this. It's a struggle I can't imagine, and while I actually feel physically sick to realize what he was going through ... it's worse to realize how many he left behind.
I guess there'll never be any real answer to these situations. No one wins. I don't think there's anyone to blame. It's just a shame. I wish there was more we as a culture could do to promote mental healthcare in this culture (I can say that as a fairly emotionally unstable individual). For someone who made so many lives brighter, I wish ... well, I wish things hadn't come to this.